02
Mar
06

An Excerpt from My Daughter’s Bedtime Battle Plan…

The following entry was discovered in a book in my daughter’s room entitled, “My Bedtime Battle Plan” (ok, I’m being ficitious, but if 1 year olds could write, I’m sure she would write this as it’s her nightly strategy of late.)
_______
When bedtime is announced, strictly adhere to the following procedures as they have proven highly effective in delaying bedtime:

STEP 1: Daddy’s Girl Tactic
When Mommy tells me to go to bed, immediately bolt off in my cute little run (make sure to wave one hand in the air while running – Mommy thinks this is very adorable) and head for Daddy yelling, “Daaaddeee KISS – KISS – KISS!!!”

Of course Mommy can’t say no to that right? After all, it’s just one kiss, and Mommy would never deprive Daddy of that.

STEP 2: Sisterly Bond Strategy

When the second bedtime announcement is made yell, “Sissy – KISS – KISS!!!!”

Mommy would never want to squelch sisterly affection. Be sure to hug too. In clinical trials, a hug has been proven to delay bedtime by as much as 5 seconds.

STEP 3: Mommy Dearest – 100% Effective

When Mommy once again declares that it is bedtime, look up at Mommy with eyes open real big, raise arms and longingly say, “Hold me! Mommy! Mommy – KISS – KISS!!!!!”

This one is a surefire winner. After 1.75 years of testing this tactic has yet to fail.

STEP 4: Shake and Bake

At this point Mommy will carry me into my room and then put me down so that I can climb into my crib. After about 30 seconds of pretending like I can actually climb into my crib, Mommy will try to pick me up. WARNING!!! Do not let her succeed!!! If she is successful in apprehending me, there is no turning back from bedtime. Flail. Squirm. Whatever it takes. This is the time to throw in some shake and bake and out maneauver Mommy.

Fake left. Fake right. Go between the legs.

Mommy’s pretty quick, so watch out.

STEP 5: When all else fails.

If Mommy does manage to pick me up, be resigned to the fact that bedtime is inevitable. However, I can greatly delay bedtime by employing all available cuddle skills. Playing with Mommy’s hair and snuggling my face in her shoulder are excellent strategies. Singing along with Mommy (very loudly and off key is especially effective) works well also.

If I truly want to pull out all the stops, be sure to say, “I yuh you, Mommy” several times. This has been known to prolong bedtime by as much as 20 minutes.

STEP 6: Evaluate
Once Mommy has put me to bed, be sure to pull out my journal and make scientific notes regarding which tactics were effective and which ones weren’t. Be sure to review battle plans with LTC. Grandpa and LTC. Aunt Natalie, they may be able to provide valuable military strategy.

STEP 7: Rest
Get your rest. After all, tomorrow is another day and another Bedtime Battle.

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